The Great White Hope?
I was reading a post done by Mwabi ----> (Click here for post)
about an article in Essence magazine.
The article was about a black man saying he
only dates white girls but will marry a black woman
when he is ready to settle, blah, blah, blah.
This post isn't about him and his theory-
But his concept got me to thinking.
Most of the time when we think of interracial dating
we think Black man, White woman.
But I am wondering about us women-
Most of us as black women (myself included)
are on the "say no to the white man" "train.
Why is this?
(NOT that I am advocating dating
the white boy... although if he rolled through
I WOULD keep the nip/tuck Doctor Troy!!)
(Julian McMahon aka Dr. Troy)
My point is why do we not take the same liberties
as our male counterparts on this issue?
Is it the social stigma? Is it fear? Is it distaste?
Has it been pounded so hard into our psyche
that we are the backbone of our race that we
don't dare cross that line out of obligation?
I am sought out and approached my white men
ALL.THE.TIME.
For some reason- I am their Diva fantasy.
They are always, respectful, kind, VERY affluent,
and VERY generous- BUT I still have never given in.
An associate of my mother's (white man) told her
when he saw me-
"Mama Diva, Sangindiva is very beautiful. A white man
would take care of her very well."
Mama Diva must have given him the "how dare you say
something so blasphemous" look, because he then said:
"Mama Diva, There is nothing wrong with a white man.
He would treat her good and take care of her well..."
My homegirl said:
Sangindiva, let's face reality-
White men are BRED to take care of their women.
They are expected to pamper and spoil her.
White women are given opportunities,
whereas we black women have to make and TAKE ours.
The only ones who approach me are the ghetto n****s-
you betta' TAKE the opportunity to live the white life...
Would you consider being with a white man
"living the white life"? What do you think of this?
Sangindiva~
posted by Sangindiva @ 3:24 AM
41 Comments:
At 9/13/2006 3:45 AM,
African girl, American world said…
girl...thanks for the shoutout.
I think it is all the above reasons and LOYALTY above all. We think hard about it and analyze every angle and still stay true. Even for a fling.
I know sistas fight the feelings if they're having them long and hard and some eventaully give in but some, even knowing that that is their soul mate, will not give in just to stay true.
Sistas are definately dating outside their race more but the numbers are still way way way less than brothas.
Hey Shan *waving*
At 9/13/2006 4:14 AM,
Isha said…
Man, this has been something on my mind lately. I've found that I've been offended by this happening either way, but it's a personal thing. We see it so much here in LA I guess it's not a THING anymore.
I"ve had crushes on a few white guys that I knew, but never went beyond that point.
I've thought about the idea should it ever present itself and was afraid of too many differences. Would he catch my sarcasm, jokes, understand my challenges and not get offended when I blame white folks for ruining the world like I would when he blamed black folks for ruining the world.
Creole In DC has a white husband that makes me admire him as a man, husband and provider. If this man were purple he'd still be the bomb and make me admire him and how he treats her. I guess that's all it boils down to. How he treats and loves you, not his color.
It hurt my feelings when a fellow blogger said that outside of Jill Scott, he would not give a big sista a second thought, because although I'm not Monique, I ain't a perfect 10 on the outside, but am a 25 in everything else. I guess we all gotta look beyond what we see and find the value in the person.
White folk have their pookies, Justins, K-Feds and Rallos too. White chicks play baby mama, gold digger, and hoochie games too. They just have more hair to swing around when they do it.
We've have got to have our Roberts, Matthews and Dr. Troy's somewhere, we've just got to be patient. *sigh*
Something New was interesting, but not most of our reality. I'd love to have my cake and Curtis too, but Christopher might nto be so bad if he's good to me and loves me.
Sorry for being so long winded
At 9/13/2006 6:05 AM,
Little Brown Girl said…
Interesting topic. My short answer to why black women don’t rush over the line so easily is that we are extremely loyal. This is a characteristic that goes back hundreds of years…men went out and did whatever they wanted and as long as they provided for their families (even sometimes when they did not) black women stayed. We are and always have been extremely loyal…despite the fact that brothers don’t innately posses the same characteristics with respect to us.
True story…last time I was in L.A. I met a very handsome and extremely weatlthy greek man at the lounge in the Four Seasons where I was having drinks with my girlfriends. When we (4 beautiful black women) first got there not one single soul paid us any attention. The brothers that were there were wrapped up with white and asian women so we just grabbed a couch across from a couple black guys and began to entertain ourselves. The black guys talked to us and even ate some of our appetizers but never offered us a drink or anything…which was cool cause we had it covered. About an hour later the greek guy and his boy come over and start talking to us…well he was specifically talking to me. He asked if I modeled, went on and on about how beautiful I was…we talked for hours about politics, international issues, the whole nine. I felt good around him…totally and completely forgot about the fact that he wasn’t black. When our bill (a $250 bill) came during the conversation he immediately picked it up (he hadn’t ordered anything)…told us that he had it covered and asked us to stay a little longer to have drinks and dinner with him and his friend. We did and he paid…never even thought twice about it. The next morning he wanted to send a car for me to meet him for brunch. I declined…when I got back to DC he called, emailed…he talked about how he felt I was going to be his wife in 6 months…that he wanted me to stop working…yada yada yada. And as much as I was attracted to him physically and mentally…as much as I enjoyed him…being pampered and cared for…I still couldn’t bring myself to do it…it was disloyal to my brothas...the very same men who don’t mind being disloyal to me/us.
So here I am still single and still working hard every day…waiting patiently for my African King to arrive. Loyalty at it’s finest just might leave us lonely in the end…and still we wait patiently. SORRY for the long azz comment (guess it wasn’t a short answer) but this post touched me!!!
At 9/13/2006 6:06 AM,
TTD said…
nothing is wrong w/ dating a white man (if your attracted to them) my homegirl loves them & has been married to one & the whole nine... i have dated a white man before.. i find that i dont have much in common w/ the white boys that i find attractive which is why i would prefer a black man...
At 9/13/2006 6:08 AM,
Anonymous said…
i have dated more white men than black. not because the wronged me or don't treat me right. its just something that i have always done. i can remember as far back as the first grade that i have always liked white boys and they have always liked me. my sister calls me the white boy magnet.
if i saw 2 guys walking down the street one being white and the other black i would look at the white boy first. anything different than my own race is away from the norm. its just something different for me. not saying that i don't think brothas aren't attractive... cause i can name a few... Gary Dourdan, CSI, Christopher Williams, Tyrese, Maxwell... but if Paul Walker, Mathew McCoutney(sp), Wentworth Miller, Peter Facinelli, came walking up the same time those brothers did... i would be looking at them. well it would be hard to pick if Paul and Gary were together. *drool* but anyway thats just me. sho... my husband is white. but i will say this... its a prefernce and an attraction... cause lord knows white men ain't no different from black men when it comes to how they treat their women. i know cause i married a regular ole white boy. hes not ghetto or a wannabe. he listens to rock and country and watches baseball and hockey. or i've rambled enough. good post. thanks for inviting me!
At 9/13/2006 6:11 AM,
Anonymous said…
oh and Julian is fine isn't he? he is the only reason i watch Nip/Tuck!!!
At 9/13/2006 6:16 AM,
Lāā said…
I don't know if I would call it loyalty to the brothers on my part. I have dated outside my race but never a white man.
My warped perception is that a white man could NEVER be truly attracted to me. I feel (again this is my warped perception) that he only wants a Black woman because she would be good in bed or a 'jungle bunny'. I could never take him serious, ever. And this is what prevents me from dating white men.
It would be nice if I could meet a man like Royce's Daughter's Greek man, but I probably wouldn't recognize him if he was in my face. Meaning that because I have the perceptions that I do about white men, I would think he was there for reasons that are not good.
At 9/13/2006 6:18 AM,
BK said…
loyalty?? Hmmm I see it differently.. coming from west indian decent, all I saw growing up were black couples, black love.. whether it was functional or dysfunctional.. you saw them struggling together.. that bond made me want that type of bond in my life..
Honestly, where I grew up the only interracial couple I saw was on the damn Jeffersons.. Tom & Helen.. and I was SHOCKED.. and asked.. WHY SHE MARRIED HIM??? My mom had no answer for me.. It wasnt until I was a freshman in college that I saw interracial dating STRAIGHT UP.. It wasn't discussed in my house, it wasn't something I had first had knowledge of.. and on a majority white campus, I had a CULTURE SHOCK..
White guys were fascinated that I lived in the "hood" and thought it was cool that I knew folks who had gotten shot/killed..There was NO CONNECTION there for me.. and I hated them for wanting to know more about my disturbed enviornment because they thought it was COOL.. It disgusted me..
I made several white friends and one of my closet girlfriends is white.. BUT I still only dated black men..then I got angry with black men for the pain and hurt caused to me by the ones I dated.. and I dated a white guy.. this italian dude.. and I learned a valuable lesson.. JUST CAUSE YOU CHANGE THE COLOR DON'T MEAN YOU CHANGING THE BEHAVIOR.. he was actually worse than the black men I dated and very controlling..
Black men can do the same as white men or any other race, asian, indian, etc..
I'll enjoy my man pampering me and taking care of me..those that grew up in a strong loving home know how to do that regardless of color.. and as usual it falls back upon us THE WOMEN who raise these BOYS to become MEN..men who are loving, understanding and caring and can take care of a woman and make her HAPPY
At 9/13/2006 6:24 AM,
Anonymous said…
Well ...
I don't ride the say no to the white man train. And as far as there being some kind of obligation ... I have to ask: to whom?
We are obligated to no one but ourselves. I don't want to live the "white" life or the "black" life. I want to live the happy life.
Men are men. Some are cool and some are not-so-cool. If he's nice to me, if he's sweet to me, if he treats me with respect (and has good credit) I'm not going to turn my nose up at him because he's white.
At 9/13/2006 7:00 AM,
Anonymous said…
GIRL!!!! I had this same exact conversation with my cousin last night. She has a white man as a friend and he said that he noticed more black men with white women than black women with white men and asked why that was (in her opinion).
I told her to give him my answer which was that black men are just more open to the idea than black women. We are still running around hollering from the mountaintops "I NEED A BROTHA TO DO ME RIGHT!" When in reality we should be wanting ANY man that loves us and treats us right. It's all about what we deem as acceptable and we need to let go of that ancient mentality that is holding us back.
(Yes I'm about to blog in your comments so hush)
I read all the comments and thought to myself, when we make our lists of what kind of man we want, "understands that white folks run the world" isn't on there (using Isha as an example). We are so quick to assume that a white/asian/hispanic man won't understand us or find all the flaws he could possibly have that would be a detriment to the relationship. But we don't have that same selective mindset when it comes to black men and it should actually be a universal thing. You should ask yourself the same questions about every man you meet regardless of his race.
Sistas have the nerve to get offended when a man of another race finds them attractive and in the same breathe get pissed off because a brotha isn't checking for them. What kind of sense does that make. I'm not picking on anyone......just saying to give it some thought.
At 9/13/2006 7:31 AM,
Anonymous said…
Supa may pass out, but she'll know exactly why I'm tempted to rethink my position on something new. 'Bout to be ON THE VERGE in a minute. I agree with this:
Diva in Demand: "when in reality we should be wanting ANY man that loves us and treats us right"
but when you have too many brothas to choose from and none of them are correct, THEN WHAT!?
At 9/13/2006 7:47 AM,
TNDRHRT said…
Oh hell yeah I would date a white boy! I've never been one to say I wouldn't date this or that. Yes, I love my black brothas; however, if a fine, sexy, cute white man stepped to me, I would at least see what he's all about. Especially if he looked like Dr. Troy!!! Oooo...weee!!!!
At 9/13/2006 8:04 AM,
A.u.n.t. Jackie said…
okay well i have dated a outside of my race and probably will continue to. You name it, Polynisian, Puerto Rican, Dominican, Cuban, Hatiain, Filipino, and European. Now I've dated both white Europeans and Europeans of African decent and then your run of the mill white boy.
i think it's a socio economic divide and we as black women as we progress in our careers know good and damn well the higher you get up the totem poll the less black men there are to see in most cities.
most importantly white men know this as well. they spot our fine asses when we walk into a party and they are being bored to death by the same old folks they see all the time.
what has historically made them our enemy works to their advantage, because they know how to see something and do what it takes to get, from women to countries.
black women all differ. i am not the same as every black woman in LA. Our needs, expectations and desires may all be different, and i'll be damned if i spend my whole life waiting for love while passing it up cuz it didn't come in the color i expected.
i've over posted!
dammit!
At 9/13/2006 8:06 AM,
Butta said…
White and "other" men don't step to me so this has never been a personal issue for me. I can't honestly say that if one did step how I would react and if I'd be receptive to his advances. He would have to be on some Matthew Mack-A-Honey type ish and have a crazy swagger for me to even think twice or catch my eye.
Truth be told I'm actually sitting here now and looking around my office at these white boys in their cubes and I'm not the least bit interested in any of these clowns. Not that some of them aren't attractive (very few are...to me at least) but they just don't have IT.
As wrong as I've been done by black men I just can't stop loving them. And I'm OK with that.
At 9/13/2006 8:37 AM,
Miz JJ said…
So many posts lately on interracial dating. I am stuck on Royce's daughters comment. She met a dude who was interesting, attractive and intelligent, but he had no chance because he wasn't black. Everyone has their preference and I think the black family is a beautiful thing. I want children who look like me and their grandparents, but I am not gonna die alone waiting for that to happen while a black dude is all wrapped up with a Becky. Not happening. I am loyal, but I am not going to be foolish.
At 9/13/2006 9:02 AM,
Little Brown Girl said…
I love this dialogue!! As for me...I can't lie, I have regrets about how I handled the situation with Luke (thats my greek boo LOL)..wanna email him right now LOL!! But some things didn't sit well with me. For example...he comes from a wealthy "shipping" family (I googled him LOL!) and he admitted to having a black Nannie growing up whom he called Momma....WTF?? That shyt disturbed me on a number of levels. But at the same time, he seemed honest and caring and just wanted to make me happy. And when I kissed him (on the first night we met...that's how strong our connection was)...and well when I did lets just say I was like WHOA!! It was probably the best kiss I'd ever experienced. But when I thought about us together I got worried about perception (and I know that is terrible...but I'm being honest).
When I look at my list of "must haves" in a mate...being black has always been first on the list. And I can't really say why other then the fact that my Daddy is the most beautiful black man I've ever known and I can't imagine not having a man just like him to call my own. Luke and Royce (and Royce's daughter *smile*) are from 2 totally different worlds...that shyt scared me!
At 9/13/2006 9:12 AM,
Miz JJ said…
I didn't mean to call you out Royce. You made the right decision for you, but it's sad to me that we (black women) limit ourselves all the time when black men obviously do not. Luke didn't look like Royce or like Royce's daughter, but maybe he would have treated Royce's daughter really well and made her happy. I want to marry a black man like my dad as well. And I want to raise black children, but my mom taught me to never make someone your priority when you are merely an option for them. Where I live (Canada) black women are definitely only an option and one that is rarely chosen.
At 9/13/2006 9:41 AM,
That Girl Tam said…
Well...this indeed is an interesting topic. I guess for most black women (and sometimes men) the issue is merely black and white. Being bi-racial and having a family of mixed folks like myself (but mostly all mixed with white), I have never set a limit to my dating preference.
And perhaps it's BECAUSE I'm bi-racial that I don't understand why black men and women get all up in arms when they see someone of color with someone who is NOT. You cannot help who you fall in-love with. You cannot help who you're attracted to. If you have a preference, who's to say that it's wrong?? I don't see the big deal. And like Kool said, a white man can easily treat you like shit like a black man...because face it, there are plenty (that we've all dated at least a time or two) that can and WILL treat a woman like trash.
I hold no loyalties to ANY race of people. I was raised by a Chinese mother who only dated BLACK men (because that's the environment that she grew up in). My father has NEVER EVER dated black women. My sister's mother is white and his current wife is mexican.
I personally don't see a problem with dating white men. One of my closest friends (a white man) only dates BLACK WOMEN. He grew up in a racist and hateful home, but still learned (on his own) to appreciate the beauty in women of color. And yeah, he could easily go for a Halle Berry type, but he always prefers the chics with braids, ghetto booty and in my opinion sometimes not-so-cute. And they LOVE HIM!! He takes care of them. He ALWAYS pays (I've never been able to pitch in for a meal - EVER). He's MAD loyal and will come to the rescue if you're in need...that's just the kinda man he is. And he never has his hand out lookin for repayment of any kind.
I say at LEAST consider it. Think back to that talk we had that night at my house - and the reading I gave you. Who knows...the very thing that you've been looking for may very well be wrapped up in a white man. Don't dismiss them...skin color is only a shell...what's on the inside matters far more than the outter appearance. Sometimes the shit you want may not come in the packaging that you prefer, but it's still good for you.
And yo...if I wasn't married, Kool's list of hot white boys would catch my attention over some brothas too!! I LOVE ME SOME Paul Walker, Wentworth Miller and Dominic Purcell (who plays his brother on Prison Break). DY-NO-MITE!!
At 9/13/2006 10:10 AM,
A.u.n.t. Jackie said…
my mom told me recently to not forget about white boys when i was looking for my match...not because of their color but because of the things i enjoy, traveling, rock concerts, opera, symphonies, camping, hiking, having a housekeeper, knowing that when i have children in the near future i'll probably be hiring a nanny of my own.
if i had a dollar for every time i tried to fit a square peg into a round hole i'd be the wealthiest girl alive...however regardless of what color he is he must be a match for me.
i'm not interested in those who don't match, but more so those who do.
At 9/13/2006 10:31 AM,
Angel said…
by the way, i LOVE "nip/tuck" and dr. troy can holla at a sista anytime!
sangin, i do feel like black women are held to an "unfair" standard at times. a black man will tell you all day that "i date women. period." yet, many of us feel like we have to have this allegiance to them. believe me, there is nothing i love more than black love and little black babies, but i also know that love in any form is truly great! who am i to try to "keep" a man that doesn't wanna be "kept?" i really have a lot more thoughts on the subject, but im on my way to a meeting. maybe i'll be back later to formulate an answer that is more articulate... LOL
and to answer your question, i dont see myself ever being with a man that isnt black, however, i have had an "interesting" experience with a white friend of mine that was enough to make me change my mind (if even for a second...or those few hours!!!!!!) ;-)
At 9/13/2006 11:15 AM,
Knockout Zed said…
I had to read every comment and wait in the cut a little bit, lest I start with a profanity laden tyrade.
Now that I've composed myself...
It's about loyalty? Really? If you enjoy the company of white men, by all means GO. Buh-bye! See ya!
I truly and dearly love Black womanhood, physically and mentally.
You can't replicate that soul, that smell, that look, that drive, that style.
But if being with me represents some sort of misplaced sense of duty, keep that shit movin'. Enjoy your parsnips, bass fishing and pink dick. I'll be in the colored section.
KZ
At 9/13/2006 12:33 PM,
That Girl Tam said…
Only Zed can say it like that...lol...
Yo KZ...you're still my fav...lol
At 9/13/2006 12:43 PM,
A.u.n.t. Jackie said…
Zed ain't doing nothing but leaving a trail of broken hearts and female stalkers...he's on the lucky side of the stick!
At 9/13/2006 1:17 PM,
Sangindiva said…
I woke up -(yall know I sleep till noon cali time)
and was so wonderfully pleased to see this meeting of the minds!
Most associates I have are surprised when they see
I date black men. They often expect that I would be
with a white man. I have nothing against them-
but i am also not opposed to the option...
I understand ladies like Ms. JJ because in a place like Canada, London etc. you MOSTLY see
"our" men with others.
I understand how ladies like RD (Royce's Daughter) can worry about the perception of others. I have been told that the only reason rich
white men approach me is because they see me as
"different" from a "typical" black woman.
(He promptly got dismissed) WTF is THAT supposed to mean?
I can understand ladies like Bklyn Diva because
MOST times we are raised to feel like we
"BETTA NEVA" bring a white man home.
I can understand ladies like Laa who feel
like if a white guy DID approach her he would not be up to something good.
And would only want to use her.
But I also feel like if anyone knows the white race in general it would be US.
WE (meaning our grandmothers)
raised white children. Sometimes took care of them better than their own... I believe that's why they have such a love/ hate relationship with us- but that's a whole nutha post... :)
I understand ladies like Butta who look around the cubicle and think UGGH... I don't want none of these
clowns!! hahahaha! (I feel you girl)
But at the same time- call me bourgie- I wouldn't even mess around with a white man in a cubicle.
If I had a "list" for the things my white man would have WEALTHY would be number ONE.
I don't know why but I would be more open to "building"- not struggling, with a brotha-
but I WOULD NOT even consider a white man who was broke or average.
The bottom line is- I think it is about preference
A man is a man- no matter what his color is,
a brotha who is playin' games, with bad credit,
who doesn't want to commit is the same as a white
(or asian, hispanic etc.) man doing the same thing.
Neither of them are apealing!
I feel like we should not close out the option
of love and happiness because he's not black.
Be loyal to the one who proves to be loyal to us.
Love the one who loves you- your children will STILL be black because YOU are.
I know I was all over the place with this
comment/post but hey so what! hahahaha!
At 9/13/2006 1:26 PM,
The Wonderfulness Of Dr. Speed said…
Good reading here.
At 9/13/2006 3:29 PM,
P said…
I see everybody's points.
Personally, I do agree that you can't help who you fall in love with.
BUT
I won't go as far as saying that I set 'limitations' as to who I will date. But I like black men. I love black men. Do they have their faults? Sure. So do I. So what?
I WON'T, under ANY circumstances, set myself up with the attitude that I am dating outside of my culture because there are 'no eligible black male bachelors' (read: Somethng New). That's bullshit and I've NEVER had that problem.
All I know is, if skin color indeed, DOES NOT MATTER, then why in fact, do people who date outside of their culture exclusively only date outside of their culture?
From a socioeconomic standpoint, I am not going to touch that. Sure, I believe that there should be a stability financially when choosing the partner, but each individual is responsible for choosing that measuring stick.
All that I say is, whoever you choose, if in fact you have a laundry list of criterias on who the 'perfect man is?'
What kind of woman would you think that HE would want. And, is it YOU?
@ The Phoenix:
Often I don't believe that people of color get caught up so much in who somebody falls in love with more than they do get caught up in the stereotypes that are perpetuated in our culture regarding other women that are NOT of color. That's a fact. Now whether people choose to live by those is their choice. But there was A LOT of hurt and pain that happened, from the 20th century on, that reflected people passing, and mixing breeds for any number of reasons.
Anyway, not to get off the subject. I don't limit myself, and just because someone opts to NOT date Euro men doesn't mean it's limiting. It just means they like men of color.
And I do.
At 9/13/2006 4:23 PM,
African girl, American world said…
wow!! look at all that I missed! Damn job! It is funny but I would have dated a white person real quick in Africa cause they were the monority and they KNEW not to act a fool. Once I was here, I had to change my tune real quick cause I REFUSE to deal with falling in love and all that and putting time and effort into the relationship THEN his Mama or someone in his family say some shit when we talk marriage. Call me a coward but I'd rather not deal. And tho the notion of we're in this together and fuck the world is cute..I don't want to be the reason families split.
And um, Royce's daughter why in the name of Justin Timberlake did Luke feel the need to bring up his balck nanny thathe called Mama??!!! Please tell me it fit in the conversation somewhere.
For the record, I am disturbed when someone, anyone ONLY dates outside their race. Variety is the spice of life.
At 9/13/2006 5:36 PM,
Single Ma said…
I think it's ingrained throughout the generations. White men violated black women to no end, abused us in the night, then treated us like dirt during the day. We were their secrets, their side pieces that didn't deserve recognition. History has damaged our race in MANY ways. It's hard to forget.
To answer the question. Yes, I'd date a white man if he was worthy. I'd hold him to the same standards and expectations as I would any black man.
At 9/13/2006 6:29 PM,
Anonymous said…
Well...my perspective on this is kinda unique I guess. My husband was the first white man I'd ever dated and when I met him...I thought he was Creole.
I'd say the reason was definitely loyalty for me that I'd never dated a white man before. Loyalty and my VERY misguided upbringing. LOL!
I'm from Louisiana...the REAL South and I was raised by a VERY racist father who didn't like white people nor dark skinned black people (jacked up because my mother was a beautiful dark skinned black woman.
Basically...I never even THOUGHT about dating a white guy before. Never even picked up on it when they were trying to holla. I mean...I just didn't DO that ya know!
Well, long story short, we met on the internet and he was funny, smart and seemed very genuine. When we spoke on the phone I still didn't think anything different because he has that Southern twang that I was missing living up here in D.C.
When we met in person...I was FLOORED that he was white and I have to admit...it took me a very long time to get over it as it just wasn't comfortable to me at all. I hid him from my friends, I didn't go anywhere people knew me when we were together. It took a long time as I had all the preconceived notions as to what he was going to be like. Was he going to smell funny? Was he going to get my jokes? Would he understand that I'm VERY black in my politics and in my thought process. I pretty much thought too damn much about it.
What it all boiled down to for me was that he was super smart (which I jock), kind, caring, loving and funny as hell. That did it for me.
I never "gave up" on dating black men as the magazines would have us to believe. I LOVE black men. Hell, my brothers are black men. My two best friends are black men. MY DADDY WAS A BLACK MAN! And it totally pisses me off when people assume such and I have cussed out my fair share of idiots when it came to these type of assumptions.
Anyone who knows me knows that I'm me around my friends and family and the same me around my husband and his family. I'm me. And he's he. He doesn't try and ACT black (which would have gotten him a heel to the head), he's just Robby and he loves me very, very much.
Just as I know I'm lucky to have him...TRUST...he knows he's lucky to have me.
My Robinator proves to me two things:
1. True love exists because I love him with all my heart. He is my everything as a husband of ANY race should be to his wife.
2. God has a funny sense of humor.
At 9/13/2006 10:41 PM,
DivineLavender said…
I got ADD/HD I can't read all of that/this. Too much time..
I agree with Zed. My home is the one place on earth that I want to be myself. I have to play the good professional Niggra all day long. I will be dayumed if I got to come home to a man that doesn't feel the same way. I want to relax and love my man...my brotha. I don't to have to explain why we should plan a lunch when we are driving through certain parts of the nation. It ain't me....
Like Zed...I can't stand to see a pink, raw looking dick. Yeah, sometimes they smell like wet animals...oooww when some of them sweat....eeeeew...Dem white boy's call us "hot" and shit...and call their ding-dong "cocks". They turn me the fugg off.
Nope...A brotha is only for a sistah like me...Worth the wait for the right one.
At 9/14/2006 2:12 AM,
eclectik said…
I'm just being nosy
:)
eclectik-relaxation.com
At 9/14/2006 7:29 AM,
BK said…
I had to come back and read :) and its funny I took this convo home with me :) and talked to my mom.. And while all I saw was "black couples" in my family, we talked about how majority of those relationships were UNHEALTHY and the woman was taught to STAY regardless of what is happening..
Now a days, that isn't the case.. my family members in their 20's - 40's that are married oh see life DIFFERENTLY.. and dont care WHO they are with, how long or whatever.. LOL..
this opened up good dialogue between my mom and I and over time.. THINGS CHANGE.. its all about US ADAPTING to that change..
love who you love.. and love the one you with.. but never lower your standards.. regardless of who it is.. they gotta be worthy of your love..
and Zed.. I feel you bruh.. totally understand where you are coming from..
At 9/14/2006 9:21 AM,
sweetie kia said…
My favorite cartoon/movie as a child was Cinderella. I was determined that I WOULD HAVE my handsome Prince!!!! He found me and I married him. He just happens to be a wonderful and loving African-American man but that was not my reasoning for marrying him. Along the path before I met him, I went out on dates with with a rainbow of men...white, black, asian, hawaiian, hispanic etc. I would not limit myself to any possibility of meeting my handsome Prince. What I found out along the way was that COLOR DIDN'T MATTER ONE BIT! I also found out some things about what makes a man a handsome Prince in my eyes.
1. He must Love God more than anything else and live his life according to God's principles. (How good do you think a man is going to be to you If a man doesn't love and put God "his creator" first in his life)?
2. He must treat his Parents/Family with love,loyalty and respect. (If a man doesn't honor his parents...YOU are gonna have some serious PROBLEMS. How a man treats his family is a BIG indicator button of how you will be treated. Does his Mama get checked on? Does she get a birthday gift? Does he speak disrespectfully to her? Keep these things in mind because you will eventually be treated the same way.
3. He doesn't have to be rich (monetarily) but he has to be rich in selflessness. A man with a giving heart will give you his last and best bite of cheeseburger. He may not always HAVE a lot....but he will give you all that he HAS. This type of man will move heaven and earth to make sure that you are happy.
4. He must be Handsome. A beautiful man doesn't have to LOOK like he walked off of the front page of a GQ magazine as long as he is beautiful to you. A beautiful man to me is one that that makes me laugh, is romantic, tender and thoughtful. OOOOH, this makes him look soooooo fine. When my man sees that I have had a hard day and he goes into the kitchen and starts cooking so that I don't have to...he starts looking just as yummy as the meal he is serving me. And believe me...I let him know it.
The bottom line: It all boils down to being with someone that you truly love and can be REAL with. All the superficial stuff gets old. Is he cute? Is he rich? Is he white or black? If you can't imagine growing old and sitting on the front porch in your rocking chair with that person and still enjoying his company in 70 years...he ain't the one. When people look back over their lives, it is not the things, the money, or the color of someone's skin that they remember...it is the LOVE! I KNOW. I am blessed...because I found it all. But I had to first BE IT ALL so that I could ATTRACT IT ALL.
My Advice: Allow God to love you so that you will know how to TRULY love yourself and you WILL attract true love!
At 9/14/2006 10:26 AM,
Anonymous said…
This was a great post, and it was interesting to see others perspectives on the subject.
Me, however, I agree totally with what Single Ma said. When you think about history and all the black race has endured or have been subjected to by the white race, it's VERY hard to cross that line.
I used to get so HOT when I would see a black man and a white woman back, but now I shrug it off. If you like it, then I'm happy for you. To each it's own; it's just not my cup of tea, or should I say milk. LOL. Ok, I know that was corny but I couldn't resist. Smile
At 9/14/2006 6:35 PM,
meofbeauty said…
Okay I had to get in on this one. Trust me I know the "difficulties" of loving black men and trust me If I could bring myself to do it I would be all over a white man. But I just cant. I can barely get with a lightskinned black man. You just see too much all the veins, all the hair. With white men its the thin lips, the clingly, damp hair (all over the damn sink and shower), the thick, squishy, oily skin. nooo sir cant do it. I did however kiss one italian/puerto rican guy when I was in college and I let him touch my boobie (just one) through my shirt. that was it. black men can drive you crazy but umm I will date a woman before I turn to a white man.
At 9/15/2006 4:32 AM,
Noushu says: said…
hi sang,
how r u?
Nice post.
At 9/16/2006 6:30 AM,
1969 said…
How did I miss this one? Great post.
I love Black men and have never dated a white man. I just never had a white man approach me that I was attracted to. (Brad Pitt, holla!)
Seriously, I love to see beautiful black couples. I think when Black folks can make it work, it's a wonderful thing. However, at the end of the day you have to be with the person that will treat you the best.
It really doesn't matter who it is.
If you break down black men:
40% are married
30% are gay
20% are in jail/knuckleheads/deadbeats
The remaining fine ass 10% good job having, about something brothers KNOW that they can pick and choose the women because we are all left to fight over them.
I don't blame anybody for opening up ther dating circles to include other races. The odds are against sisters at this point.
At 9/16/2006 2:24 PM,
Supa said…
Before I start reading the comments, just wanna let you know u betta keep your hands of my DR. TROY!!!!
Hey Diva! :)
At 9/18/2006 2:43 PM,
Ms.Honey said…
Hmm I guess I would have to ride that train when someone gives me a ticket but I've always said that I'd try it...cause you can't knock it till ya do...
At 11/17/2006 1:44 PM,
Anonymous said…
Yeah, I wonder consider a white man. A lot of the brothers abandoned us long ago. I say if you can't beat them, by all means, join them.igwar
At 11/17/2006 1:46 PM,
Justice For Karen said…
Most definitely, I would consider a white man. Why not?
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