Keep It Real... You Get A Better Deal

Normally I post pictures of things that have been going
on in my working life. But today I have decided to follow
my favorite motto:
Keep It Real- You Get A Better Deal.

The reason for this post is because I feel I need to show
another side of my job...
Most people think it is Parties, Premieres, Pictures, Exotic Trips,
Money, Sex etc... Now don't get me wrong-there is that and THEN SOME.
I could tell you stories of the things I've seen... and done,
but that is not what I'm talking about today.

Today I want to "keep it real" with you.

I am a Professional Singer. I don't waitress on the side. Never have.
I have been getting PAID for singing since I was 15 years old.
You can see my (government) name on many albums and major tours.
I (have and still) sing with some of the biggest well known names
in not just the American market, but the Hispanic and World music
industries as well. I make VERY good money and live my life off of
just one of my gifts. GOD is AMAZING for this- and I am SOO Grateful.
I am 6 feet tall ( with out my standard 3-4 inch heels). And a natural size 2.

I AM ALSO ANOREXIC.

Everyone has their own problems, demons and addictions.
This one just happens to be mine.

I had to keep it real today because I was in the Guess store
(buying a bikini for my upcoming spring break excursion)
and I overheard two girls talking. One was saying how she wished
she could just be anorexic for a few months to lose some weight.
WTF???
If she only knew what she was saying.
If she only knew how horrible it is to feel this way- to BE this way.
How isolating, how sad, how lonely...
If she could only imagine being trapped in a body
that will NEVER be thin enough,
being trapped in an industry paints the illusion
of social "approval" for being thin,
or that being thin makes you happy and beautiful,
successful and powerful, desired and wanted-
but really it's an unrealistic lie.

I am considered lucky by my friends (who
are dancers, actresses, models and singers)
because I've never had to diet or take laxatives,
because at 9 months pregnant I was my largest size ever-
a size 6. Because with a body like a gymnast and a 35 inch
inseam- I could rule the runway or at least be a Victoria's
Secret model...

Well, that's if I didn't have this demon on my back
who whispers in my ear and tells me I'm fat and ugly...

I wonder why anyone would WANT to be this way.
I think that people don't realize that it's beyond a "diet"
and "losing weight." It's hell on earth.

So to the girl in the mall I say this:

I remember wishing to be anorexic.
It's an endless cycle. And the wish never gets answered because
when you actually are anorexic you don't feel anorexic-
(in the way you had fantasized.)
You don't feel like the beautiful girl you thought you'd be
if you just lost 10 more pounds.
And other things start to disappear besides your weight-
like your sense of humor and your ability to relax.
There is urgency, an unnatural anxiety that starts to take over.
It might happen slowly or it might reach up
and grab you completely by surprise.
But once it reaches you, it pulls you under.

Anorexia is a sweet talker.
It is a trap. It is quicksand.
It's a thief and a cheat. And it's a liar.
It's a bitch. It's a dream killer.
The thinner you get, the fatter you feel.

Take it from me- I know.


Sangindiva~