The Diva Book

A real life behind the scenes look at the life of the International Superstar Sangindiva...

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Keep It Real... You Get A Better Deal

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Normally I post pictures of things that have been going
on in my working life. But today I have decided to follow
my favorite motto:
Keep It Real- You Get A Better Deal.

The reason for this post is because I feel I need to show
another side of my job...
Most people think it is Parties, Premieres, Pictures, Exotic Trips,
Money, Sex etc... Now don't get me wrong-there is that and THEN SOME.
I could tell you stories of the things I've seen... and done,
but that is not what I'm talking about today.

Today I want to "keep it real" with you.

I am a Professional Singer. I don't waitress on the side. Never have.
I have been getting PAID for singing since I was 15 years old.
You can see my (government) name on many albums and major tours.
I (have and still) sing with some of the biggest well known names
in not just the American market, but the Hispanic and World music
industries as well. I make VERY good money and live my life off of
just one of my gifts. GOD is AMAZING for this- and I am SOO Grateful.
I am 6 feet tall ( with out my standard 3-4 inch heels). And a natural size 2.


Everyone has their own problems, demons and addictions.
This one just happens to be mine.

I had to keep it real today because I was in the Guess store
(buying a bikini for my upcoming spring break excursion)
and I overheard two girls talking. One was saying how she wished
she could just be anorexic for a few months to lose some weight.
If she only knew what she was saying.
If she only knew how horrible it is to feel this way- to BE this way.
How isolating, how sad, how lonely...
If she could only imagine being trapped in a body
that will NEVER be thin enough,
being trapped in an industry paints the illusion
of social "approval" for being thin,
or that being thin makes you happy and beautiful,
successful and powerful, desired and wanted-
but really it's an unrealistic lie.

I am considered lucky by my friends (who
are dancers, actresses, models and singers)
because I've never had to diet or take laxatives,
because at 9 months pregnant I was my largest size ever-
a size 6. Because with a body like a gymnast and a 35 inch
inseam- I could rule the runway or at least be a Victoria's
Secret model...

Well, that's if I didn't have this demon on my back
who whispers in my ear and tells me I'm fat and ugly...

I wonder why anyone would WANT to be this way.
I think that people don't realize that it's beyond a "diet"
and "losing weight." It's hell on earth.

So to the girl in the mall I say this:

I remember wishing to be anorexic.
It's an endless cycle. And the wish never gets answered because
when you actually are anorexic you don't feel anorexic-
(in the way you had fantasized.)
You don't feel like the beautiful girl you thought you'd be
if you just lost 10 more pounds.
And other things start to disappear besides your weight-
like your sense of humor and your ability to relax.
There is urgency, an unnatural anxiety that starts to take over.
It might happen slowly or it might reach up
and grab you completely by surprise.
But once it reaches you, it pulls you under.

Anorexia is a sweet talker.
It is a trap. It is quicksand.
It's a thief and a cheat. And it's a liar.
It's a bitch. It's a dream killer.
The thinner you get, the fatter you feel.

Take it from me- I know.

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  • At 3/13/2006 11:56 AM, Blogger Mrs A. said…

    damn.......that was really real. i'll just say i understand your struggle. i hope it works out for you cuz it is so tough to struggle with something you know isn't right, but it comes so easily like the sun in the morning-just there, as much as you wish it away.

  • At 3/13/2006 12:17 PM, Anonymous nyamavu said…

    Hey girly!

    So proud of you! You are strength for me today as I don't have much of my own. Seems like we trade sometimes.

    Can I say again that I'm proud of you. That took heart! You are an awesomly beautiful woman inside and out and I am blessed to have you as a friend. Keep doin' ya' thang and know that you are loved.

    Hugs, kisses and hot meal

  • At 3/13/2006 2:49 PM, Blogger Supa said…

    What a courageous post. Thank you for sharing this piece of yourself, for it has enlightened me...and it will do so for your other readers, as well.

    We all have our soul challenges. In saying this, I wish you the strength to "keep it real" - with yourself - your own thoughts, feelings, triumphs and shortcomings. Be kind to yourself, sista. You have accomplished so much, internally & externally, and will continue to do so. I feel it! The views may be different, but we're all on the same journey.

    Hugs! Blessings!!! And be well. Thank you again. From one Supa Sister to another.

  • At 3/15/2006 10:06 PM, Blogger Butta said…

    Wow, Sangin Diva. This was a powerful piece. Thank you for sharing this very personal struggle. I've been watching Real World 17 (Lawd, can you believe this mess has been on for 17 seasons? But I digress...) and there is a young lady on there who is struggling with anorexia (and bulemia too I think). It is heartbreaking to see her emaciated form and hear her speak so poorly of herself. It has been quite enligthening.

    Being on the opposite end of the weight spectrum I can't say that I feel your pain, but I can understand the issue with food. Stay lifted, stay encouraged, and stay focused on overcoming this disease and continuing to be the beautiful and blessed person that you are.

  • At 3/17/2006 7:49 AM, Blogger Koffee said…

    I'm kinda late posting sorry...
    what you wrote here really moved me really my heart kinda cried out for you. You are stronger than you may ever realise because the 1st step to overcomming any obsticle is aknowledging it.....
    ..and well you aren't in denial about it.
    You WILL overcome this because you are strong, loved and well God is watching over you all the time!


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