The Diva Book

A real life behind the scenes look at the life of the International Superstar Sangindiva...

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Tell It Tuesday


















Now yall know that normally
I don't get on here tellin' my biz-nass.
If it's not really work/travel or fun related
I kinda let things roll...
But I see I'm gonna have to go back to the
Keep it real you get a better deal mode-
because it seems to work better for me.

All day yesterday I had been feeling really eff'd up.
I got to thinking about why and came to the realization
that I am allowing a mutha f*cca to play with me...


Allowing him to string me along
when I KNOW that he dosen't want me.

Allowing him to string me along by
saying shit that lets me know that
we have NO FUTURE- but still I stay.

ALLOWING MYSELF TO BE PLAYED
because I want to prove MY loyalty
to a mutha... who I feel could give
LESS than a damn about me.

I need to be BITCH SLAPPED with reality
because I can't rationalize it to myself anymore.

I don't know if it's the history we have,
or the fact that he knows how to get into my mind
just to eff with my head...
Maybe it's because sometimes I catch a glimpse
into the heart of him and think he's a cool guy...
but probably not the one for me.
It's my fault I think I don't deserve better than the
way he treats me. The way he uses me.
The way he talks to me. The way he belittles me.
And makes me feel I am not good enough.







Like a carrot dangling his affection but
he has no intention of ever giving it to me.




I remember this particular convo with my mama:


Me: Mama I'm so tired of him. I'm just tired.

Mama: You ain't tired yet.

Me: Yes I am, I'm just tired of him and this whole mess.

Mama: Naw, you ain't tired.
'Cause if you were tired you wouldn't talk about it.
You would do something about it.
Next thang we know-
he'd be history and you'd be happy.
So no- you ain't tired.






And you know what yall- I think she's right.
I may not be tired...
oooh- but I promise to goodness I'm THROUGH!

Visit The Doll Palace [Where Cartoon Dolls Live]

Sangindiva~

posted by Sangindiva @ 12:42 AM  

23 Comments:

  • At 4/25/2006 6:50 AM, Blogger Ms.Honey said…

    AMEN!!! I got a premonition about that the other day when I had a convo with the tired one...and I have come to the consensus with my self that I am tired!!! I feel ya, good post, I'm tired of going out of my way for someone who isn't going out of their way for me

     

  • At 4/25/2006 7:06 AM, Blogger SomeOne said…

    men i tell ya can be tiring, break away, you know you deserve so much more........

    i got one who's been on my mind encompassing my thoughts...i backed away, well shit i had no choice one day every thing was peachy keen next day was completely different...i think it still bothers me cause i still dont know why there was a sudden change....what did it do, say, not do or say....those are thoughts that keep going through my mind...

     

  • At 4/25/2006 7:57 AM, Blogger Mocha said…

    Girl, I found myself nodding through that entire thing.

    Sometimes you find yourself wondering why you deal with the things you do. The good sign? You know you deserve better, and you seem like you got a good head on your shoulders, so don't be too hard on yourself. I know it's hard to separate yourself from all that history, but I'll tell you what MY mama told me:

    Every man will make you laugh and cry, but which one do you spend more time doing?

    Hugz,

     

  • At 4/25/2006 8:16 AM, Blogger Ladynay said…

    I feel this entire post, I've been there!

    Your mama is right, when your truely tired, you take action!

    Sending you cyber love!

     

  • At 4/25/2006 8:45 AM, Blogger Knockout Zed said…

    Here comes the highly unpopular man's point of view. Wanna hear it? Well, I'll tell ya anyway:
    He don't fuckin' know what he wants. He knows he stringin' you but he doesn't know what else to do. He actually does feel for you and he hates it that he can't do right by you so he mistreats you SO THAT YOU LEAVE HIM ALONE.

    So basically that's the bottom line. Diss him, he'll put up a little fight and then he'll be forced to either do right by you or really move on.

    Sorry I blogged up in yo' shit.

    KZ

     

  • At 4/25/2006 9:25 AM, Blogger BK said…

    girl.. YOU FINALLY TIRED.. cause ACTION speaks louder than words :)

    handle yours.. and let it go.. cause damn I ain't comin to cali to bail you out of jail LOL :)

    *smooches*

    BK

     

  • At 4/25/2006 11:16 AM, Blogger ILL said…

    ILL Knows You Are Waiting For Him... Render Unto ILL's What Is ILL's...

     

  • At 4/25/2006 11:45 AM, Blogger Miz JJ said…

    Mom's give the best advice. That is something my mom would have said. When you're ready for it to be over it'll be over. Good luck and remember you deserve the best!

     

  • At 4/25/2006 12:15 PM, Blogger Isha said…

    I think it was a wise woman who said...Don't make someone a priority who only sees you as an option...Hey that woman was YOU!!! Baby, hard lesson learn(ed/ing). If you have to SHOW him how wonderful you are, he's already missed it. The challenge of working together to make US work seems to be too hard for some. Realizing that you are too much for him is more than he can handle so he'll settle. For simple, easy and lifeless and miss out on so much in the process. Don't know if I'm preaching or testifying but sum' body betta' take this Mic. I ain't playn' up in here! The doors are open...won't you come?

    Sang Diva!

     

  • At 4/25/2006 1:04 PM, Blogger Supa said…

    Hugs and STRENFF (strength) I'm sending out to you, sis!

    (((big hug))))

    Matters of the heart are so tricky, yet you do what you gotta do. If that brotha aint worthy, he gots to go.

    He's blocking your blessings!!!!

     

  • At 4/25/2006 1:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Mamas know EVERYTHING!

    Girl, get free. Often we hold on because we are afraid (even if we can't put our finger on it) that we are going to miss the good part; the part where he loves back, acts right, comes around. It ain't goin' down. And even if in the future he pull sit together, you will have had to waste your time and energy on a mere olympic hopeful. Girl, go straight for the gold.

     

  • At 4/25/2006 3:42 PM, Blogger Butta said…

    Girl, I know that it's easier said than done, but don't settle for or put up with the less that this guy is giving you when you deserve so much more. You are too beautiful, too talented, and, hell, you're just TOO. Don't block your blessings by continuing to deal with him. Later for that clown. Hope he knows the words to "Got Til It's Gone" cause he needs to be singing them.

     

  • At 4/25/2006 7:31 PM, Blogger sweetie kia said…

    First of all, the only man worth crying over is the one who won't make you cry! If this guy makes you feel blue...."he ain't the one".
    True love starts inside of yourself. When you truly know how much God loves you, how much value and worth he places upon you and the extent of the sacrifice he made for you, then you will begin to project a power and strength of self worth that will humble a man. I'm not saying that you don't love yourself. We all like to say that we love ourselves on the surface. But we KNOW the true us that nobody else knows...and sometimes wonder how anyone could deeply and seriously love the TRUE us when sometimes we don't even like ourselves.
    Begin to examine the fact that that you are fearfully and wonderfully made....unique and original...worthy because God MADE YOU WORTHY. Then you will require and accept nothing less than God's best. This new reality will begin to exude from your very being and you will begin to notice that certain brotha's won't even step to you anymore and the ones already around "who ain't worth cryin' over" will drop like flies clearing the path for the true diamonds to come and shine just for you.
    Get ready for the sparkly, shiny, diamond brotha's. They are out there and they are looking for a woman who KNOWS that she isn't a piece of tin foil but a brilliant diamond too. Shine, Sangin Diva, shine.

     

  • At 4/25/2006 7:55 PM, Blogger Darbs said…

    You deserve nothing short of the best...so if that is not what you are getting, you need to reevaluate...and LISTEN (cause it seems like you already have the answer).

    He can be a nice guy and be your FRIEND. When it comes to love and commitment...DO. NOT. SETTLE. Please...take it from me!

    Listen to your heart...it's telling you exactly what to do! I will be praying for clarity, peace and action for you!

     

  • At 4/25/2006 11:43 PM, Blogger Brea said…

    Oh yeah, been there. Momma is always right.

     

  • At 4/26/2006 1:53 AM, Blogger EqualOpportunityCrush said…

    well you know they always say that people only do what we let them do to us. When you're really through and tired, it'll be over and you'll be blogging about how you kept it moving. Try to be strong.

     

  • At 4/26/2006 7:07 AM, Blogger Tracie P. said…

    stay strong. who cares that he has a great heart if you have to swim through mud just to get a glimpse?

    not good enough...

     

  • At 4/26/2006 9:05 AM, Blogger A.u.n.t. Jackie said…

    be ware of keeping this kinda dude as your friends, because that's not the way friends are supposed to make you feel!

    that can be a slippery slope.

    truth be told, he may not be a good guy, he may not be a good friend, he may just be someone who helped you learn a helluva lesson.

    you are not required to excuse bad behavior, especially not in the name of friendship. Friends should bring out the best in us!

     

  • At 4/26/2006 12:33 PM, Blogger Margaret said…

    I'm with your mom on this one...when you are done, you need NO one to validate your feelings. When you are done, you're done, no questions asked, no explanation needed.

    Only you know when you get to that point.

    A lesson learned is a lesson earned!!!

    I'll have a Grey Goose and pineapple juice for you!

     

  • At 4/26/2006 12:46 PM, Blogger TTD said…

    girl you deserve better than someone making u feel small.. check out the last post of my post and that should give you the strength to finally walk away..

     

  • At 4/26/2006 4:06 PM, Blogger Elle B. said…

    i think it's that season, cus I can relate... but do you ever wonder why you stay?

     

  • At 4/26/2006 10:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I know too well about being tired...we'll be talking about that on the 13th FOR SURE! Just wanted you to know that "ThatGirlTam" is no more...

    I'll be around...no worries...Tam will be back...and with a vengence!

     

  • At 4/28/2006 7:23 AM, Blogger The Stiltwalker said…

    damn I'm so envious of all you bloggers. all these relationships with mothers and sisters and so on. and you can speak to them about men stuff. I'd do anything to have that.

     

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